Katie's Cancer Blog

A Poem on Death

Hello everyone, I know it's been a while. I don't think I've posted since my father died in August, but I have been keeping up with everyone, sending thoughts and prayers. Today I was struck by the inspiration to write a poem about my experience with my father's death, and I would like to share it with everyone. It was a very cathartic, and I wrote most of it in tears. 

I would like to include a brief warning, that this might be triggering for some to read, as it talks about the day that my father died and intense emotions of grief. I certainly don't want to cause anyone to become upset or uncomfortable. So, if you decide to read, I hope you find it to be as therapeutic as I did. 

A Poem on Death

I stared at my feet on the sterile white floor,

When I heard your doctor approaching the door.

He gave me the ultimate decision to make,

Of what lifesaving measures we wanted to take.

I looked at your face, stared into your eyes,

And I heard your silent, yet urgent replies.

Then outside, in a blur, gasping for air,

"How can I play god?" I whispered in prayer.

 

Then back to your room, no time to think,

I knew my decision, as my heart started to sink.

I said the words, it's time to let go,

Let go of the pain that continued to grow.

Let go of the struggle, the fight, and the fear,

It was selfish at this point to make you stay here.

"But what if...", my mind went on and on,

Yet the facts told me clearly you didn't have long.

 

I held your hand, examined your face,

Remembering a happier time and place.

Vacations, concerts, birthdays, and more,

All of the memories that make my heart soar.

I thought of those things, and I started to shake,

Without my dad, my heart would just break.

And yet, I knew you were already gone,

Although your body was still holding on.

 

The nurse finally entered and told us, "He's leaving",

And I went through the motions, yet still disbelieving.

Family gathered, a surrounding of love,

As your spirit left us on the wings of a dove.

I held on tight as you took your last breath,

And slipped peacefully from life into death.

Latched onto your hand, I sobbed silently,

As the weight of the loss hit my soul violently.

 

It's been months now, since you've been gone,

And sometimes it's hard to even go on.

The knife of that grief still cuts to the bone,

And I sit and I think, lost and alone.

But I'm not alone, I know this is true,

My father, my guardian, will always be you.

You're here in myself, in my beautiful son,

And in that, over death I know life has won.

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Beautiful poem .. we can feel the utter grief and desolation in your words, but also your gratefulness and love for your dad, and the knowledge that he "goes on", not just in you and your son but also in your hearts and memories. Hugs :*)
Katie, Marcia like this comment
Hi Katie, your poem is very touching....how are you and your family coming along, and your little boy?
Katie likes this comment
Hello Marcia. We are doing well. Elias is over a year old now and he gets into everything! We also moved a few months ago and are now closer to my mom, which is nice. How are you and your family?
Marcia likes this comment
We're good, thank you. Joe gradually went on Primidone anti seizure Rx for his Essential Tremor and could actually write and hold his coffee mug in one hand! I'm going on 6 years NED. My Step-father is getting worse with Alzheimer's but still gets up every morning, showers and dresses up, sits and smiles, lol😉! I honestly can't complain. It's good that you moved by your Mother and I'll bet she appreciates that you did. Keep in touch, Sweets and give Elias a hug from me😘. God bless.
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Sad news

It is with a very heavy heart and much sadness that I have to report that my dad passed away earlier this evening. After receiving his diagnosis yesterday, I felt the need to go visit him today, but this was very unexpected. The cancer was extremely aggressive and combined with his other health issues, his body was simple not able to handle the illness. He has been receiving daily dialysis because his toxicity levels were so high. His heart rate elevated and his blood pressure dropped. My mother and I made the very difficult decision to go to comfort care for him after he coded and was revived once. He would not have been able to survive a surgery or chemo, and further cardiac arrest was imminent.

Dad passed away surrounded by loved ones as we reminisced about all of our wonderful memories with him. I want to thank you all for your support. It was not a long battle, but it was a difficult one.

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Katie,
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with your family tonight.
May god Bless you and your family. Am very sorry for your loss.
Oh Katie, how we wish we could hug you tight right now *sad eyes* Bless you all. Think of him soaring with angels. He will always be with you and watching over you, more closer to you now than he ever could be in life. We hope in time you will find peace, and take comfort in treasured memories. And know that you will one day be reunited with him. Until then, his love will always be with you :*)
Katie, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you were a blessing to him, and to your mom especially now. God bless.
Oh Lord, I'm so sorry Katie.🙏🏻
I am so very sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family.
He looked so happy holding his grand baby, Try and put these horrible cancer memories behind you and remember good times.
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Vital Info

Posts

August 8, 2017

Pennsylvania

August 7, 1991

Cancer Info

Thyroid Cancer

Anaplastic Thyroid Cancer

August 2, 2017

Stage 4

Yes

Cancer respects no one. Cancer is all-consuming. Cancer steals precious time.

Expect the unexpected. Never lose hope, even when the situation is hopeless.

As a caregiver, all of your focus is on the loved one fighting cancer. Don't forget to engage in self-care. You can't take care of anyone else, if you don't take care of yourself.

Large nodule in the neck area on the thyroid. Severe fatigue and trouble swallowing/speaking.

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